Understanding Dysfunctional Family Systems and Their Lasting Impact

 

Love, security, and support are all words that can be associated with family, and that's true for all families, but it's not necessarily a healthy or predictable family. Over time, some families become predisposed to patterns of fighting, lack of communication, emotional disconnection, boundary violations, or unhealthy roles that can impact the individuals in the family for years to come. Recognizing dysfunctional family systems will enable readers to identify how these systems come about, how  they affect relationships, and the difficulty in changing the system. A well-informed and thoughtful look at family dynamics can also increase self-awareness, empathy, and communication and relationship styles.

 

 What are some examples of Dysfunctional Family Systems?

 

A family system is the ways family members relate to each other and how they impact the family atmosphere. Each family communicates differently, expects to communicate differently, has traditions and roles which influence communication, and has a way of dealing with conflict.

 

A dysfunctional family system is the carrying out of persistent family patterns that disrupt a healthy emotional connection, healthy communication, trust, and/or personal well-being. These patterns can involve chronic conflict, emotional neglect, excessive control, unclear boundaries, manipulation, emotional avoidance and problems with expressing feelings.

 

Keep in mind that it's okay for families to disagree sometimes. unhealthy patterns are more worrisome when they persist and are hard to change and if they cause a significant disruption in relationships or daily functioning.

 

 How family patterns are formed.

 

Family dynamics don't just happen in an instant. They are typically acquired over time through multiple interactions and reactions to stress.

 

A particular family might start to avoid challenging conversations if they keep on escalating. As time goes on, no communication is the predominant way to handle conflict. Likewise, in the same family one member may often solve all the other members' problems, which can lead to the family being the unofficial mediator of the family.

 

These patterns can last for years as family members settle into them. The things that look bad to an outsider can look perfectly normal for someone who's undergone them all in their childhood.

 

 The following are characteristics of a dysfunctional family system:

 

Not all dysfunctional families are alike. But some traits are common, when talking about toxic families.

 

 Poor Communication

 

Communication can take the form of frequent criticism, yelling, a lack of expression of feelings, passive-aggression, or silence. It can be difficult for family members to communicate their needs or to hear each other without getting defensive.

 

 Unclear Boundaries

 

Healthy boundaries assist people to learn to respect boundaries and privacy of others while also understanding their own. Boundaries in broken systems can be disregarded, ambiguous or too rigid.

 

 Constant Conflict

 

In some families, there are continued conflicts, and the same problems keep coming up without being addressed. Some people might not get into arguments at all and thereby harbor resentment under the surface.

 

 Emotional Distance

 

Family members can be together physically, but not emotionally. Feelings and experiences that are important but not expressed can make it challenging to build trust and intimacy.

 

 Inconsistent Expectations

 

Depending on the individual, the situation and the mood of a family member, rules and expectations can vary. This imbalance can cause unpredictable relationships.

 

 Family Roles and Patterns.

 

Sometimes children in complex families end up taking on roles to support the family during difficult times. These are not official positions, but rather a recurring pattern of behaviors.

 

One child may develop an over-achieving, achievement-oriented personality. One might try to defuse the situation by making people laugh. Another person might shut down from conflict entirely.

 

Actions that may be a helpful coping mechanism in the family but can be less useful when integrated into the adult relationship without reflection.

 

When you're aware of these patterns, you can begin to see that some behaviors are likely a response to the environment instead of personality issues.